Some days...
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I just wish I could hear you laugh.
I wish I could hear you say my name a little clearer.
You're photographs are here, but my memory is weak.

Some days...I just wish you were still here.

How things come along..
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People can be surprising in the best ways.
Caring isn't always making you the certain of attention. Respect can be shown by wanting to keep you out negative situations. And honesty...honesty is being aware of all these things and having that kind of conversation where more is said in the silences...having the patience to wait for the others mind to stop churning..and then being able to laugh at the silliness of misunderstandings.
No, things aren't perfect. We're messy. We're human. We do things that we shouldn't--usually to fill selfish needs. But sometimes you just need to stop and listen. Truth is mucked up far to often by other people expressing their opinions on things they know nothing about.

What a roller coaster this past year has been.
But you know what? I'm still here. And I've grown so much.
I'd like to think I am more forgiving, perhaps of the person who needs it the most sometimes--me. Not that I've got that perfected, because I still wish that I didn't have to spend Thanksgiving with a group of 18 people that I don't really even know(yet they are supposed to be family?). I think family is who you choose to surround yourself with. In that case, I should be at Krystals, eating turkey,laughing with she and Clinton and watching Jaden run amuck.

I was reading something today...talking about during the times where we are supposed to coming together in celebration can be the hardest because you think about the things that have been and no longer are. So in one fell swoop I am both thankful and sorrowful... especially around Thanksgiving. I think of how blessed I am to have the support and love of two people like my parents, to have found a familial closeness with the Laulo's, that I am able to provide for myself, that every day I have the ability to change (some days you just have more courage than others..). And I think of the people that are no longer in my life. I think of two thanksgivings ago, my roommate's boyfriend dying in service to our country. I think of friends that have fallen to the wayside, but that will never leave my memory. Then, I think of all the things that have yet to come...There is nothing but opportunity.

I hope everyone is finding their way. It can be so difficult, can't it?
Just ask for grace, and let go.


(sorry for the ramble...well, maybe i'm not that sorry.)


-j.

(no subject)
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Just because things weren't quite f'ed up enough...my sisters had to go and make a bigger mess of my life.

Everyone needs to stop talking behind my back and fucking let me deal with my own shit. Don't try and take care of my problems for me because that makes things a bigger mess, obviously. Stop treating me like I'm 13, and if you DO feel the need to start shit behind my back....fucking have the cajones to NOT write me a god damned email in order to try and back peddle.

You can't even rely on family, guys.

(no subject)
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I'm feeling a little quiet today...kind of sad...if not remoreseful.
Just...thinking about how much things have changed in my life over the past 5 years. Funny how things end, you know? The people you thought would be in your life aren't...
This is why I should not listen to my ipod of shuffle. Music is my trigger.
Lets act like I'm not feeling sad while listening to "freshman" by the verve pipe, ok? okay, then.

This is my Darcy..
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<3

(no subject)
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For as trying as my week had been going...I had a wonderful weekend.
Krys came over so blessed to have her in my life. She gets every facet of me, and knows when she should warn me and when she just needs to let me fall flat on my face (cause I am so good at it)...and either way, she's there for me still.

Annnnnd yesterday, my mom came into town. Well, she has an interview tomorrow morning. There is a chance she and my dad will be moving back to the valley again, if she gets this promotion. It feels so completely odd that...a year later..things are just shifting again. Hopefully I am getting better at dealing with the shifts. Anyway, the big(ger) news is that I adopted a kitty. She's only a few months old, and I'm in love with her already. She's black, with a white underbelly and three little gloves of white on her paws...and a splotched on her mouth that make her look like she is snearing like elvis. she's very curious and still getting a little used to being in a much bigger space than she's been used to..and she is definitely a talker. she sounds like a little bird chirping, almost...but I'm loving having this little life hanging around with me...she's full of energy but calms down when i can get her into my arms...just a little heat generator. Her name is Darcy. :)

An open letter to douche-bag men everywhere:
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You were fucking retarded enough to think I wouldn't find out.
Or maybe you just thought I was the retarded one?
Asshole.
Fucking asshole.

Stolen from Alice
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A little neat something something behind here..Collapse )

(no subject)
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I'm in DE right now.......enjoying being with the family very much.
Had an interesting flight out here....had a very drunk man sitting next to me for almost 5 hours. Not something I think I'd like to repeat with consent. hah.
But it's cold and beautiful here. There are actually seasons...and people who say hello and mean it.
I like it.



You are The Tower


Ambition, fighting, war, courage. Destruction, danger, fall, ruin.


The Tower represents war, destruction, but also spiritual renewal. Plans are disrupted. Your views and ideas will change as a result.


The Tower is a card about war, a war between the structures of lies and the lightning flash of truth. The Tower stands for "false concepts and institutions that we take for real." You have been shaken up; blinded by a shocking revelation. It sometimes takes that to see a truth that one refuses to see. Or to bring down beliefs that are so well constructed. What's most important to remember is that the tearing down of this structure, however painful, makes room for something new to be built.


What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.


(no subject)
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Instead of going camping and most likely freezing our patookies off, we've decided that Disneyland sounds like a lot more fun. I really am so excited. I haven't been since 8th grade, when we went with orchestra.
I think this will be a lot of fun.....I was just looking at the site, getting information and there is all of this Halloween stuff going on. The coolest part being they've totally Jack Skellington-ed out the Haunted Mansion. WOO!
I want to feel like a kid for a weekend.


:)

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